Sunday, October 21, 2012

Capture Your Grief - Day 21: Alter/Shrine/Sacred Space

Day 21 - Alter/Shrine/Sacred Space

These are my shelves for my babies.  I've combined them since then because neither filled a full shelf.  The top is Seth's.  It includes pictures of him, and of me holding him.  The box holds the bracelet/bow set that we were photographed with, and the box was sent by my aunt and cousin after he was born.  Then is my Seth Bear holding the hat sent my Calvin's Hats.  The yellow onesie is how I told Ben we were pregnant this time.  In front of that is the diaper set from Teeny Tears (who did a blog post about the diapers made for the memory boxes I am making in his (and Taylor's) honor).  The blue folder is from the hospital, papers and pamphlets talking about grief and the papers from the mortuary about burial.  Then is the stack of blankets I talked about already, topped with a key chain dangle from Beadiful by Jennifer Sanchez that has Seth's photo on the front, and also a tiny blue-dressed angel bear that's closer to the length Seth was.

The bottom one is Taylor's.  It has my Taylor Bear, the weighted heart sent by A Heart to Hold, the key chain dangle that has Taylor's ultrasound picture on the back (Seth's picture on the front) and miniature purple-dressed bear that's closer to the length she would have been, her tiny hat from Calvin's Hats, and the big red picture has the ultrasound photo where she was in a praying position and the quote I relied on so much by Joseph Smith.

So this is how I honor my babies.  This is how I remember them.  Unfortunately, I have to keep it all in my room because Ben thinks it's "gross" to display any of the photos where others can see them.  He doesn't grieve for them; he says he has nothing to grieve because he never bonded with them, despite holding Seth's tiny perfect body.  So I mourn alone.  I remember alone.  I love alone.  But I will never forget my babies.  I will never stop loving them.  And I look forward to the day that I will get to be with them again, will get to raise them, will get to hug them.

I love you both.  Taylor & Seth, you are in my heart and in my memories always.

Since I wrote all that a few weeks ago, I added all the candles from the Wave of Light on the 15th on the bottom shelf, combined the items for both my babies on the middle shelf, hung the pictures of Seth on the wall, and the top shelf holds my scrapbook of both babies, a scarf a sweet loss-mama friend made for me that looks like the awareness ribbon (half pink, half blue) once you put it on, and once I print out more pictures - they'll go into the 5 picture frame with the pictures of my other 3 babies.  

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