Saturday, June 30, 2012

Freaked Me OUT!

Okay, so I already told you about how I had a prenatal appointment at 11 weeks and then, just afterward, slipped in some soda which bruised one knee pretty badly and sprained the MCL in my other knee.  Being pregnant, that can sure worry a girl.  But, here's a little more...  At 12 weeks, I had the feeling all day long that "my baby is dead."  It felt like fact.  I just couldn't shake it.  Then, at 13w1d (that's when Taylor died), we were out camping.  That day also happened to be the 23rd.  Taylor was born on January 23rd.  So it was the 5 month anniversary of delivering my dead baby.  Can I just say, being the mother of a dead baby is HARD WORK.

Have you heard of a "rainbow baby" ever?  It refers to a baby born after a loss, the rainbow after the storm.  A rainbow pregnancy is HARD WORK!  I'm constantly finding reasons to freak out.  It's not easy at all.  I may have had some experiences with Taylor that should have alerted me to a problem (not being able to envision that birth, or that child being missing in my visions of this coming birth), but overall, I had no idea that anything had been wrong.  Now, I try to read into EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE red flag.  Every feeling.  Every lack of feeling.  It's ridiculous!  I try hard to say to myself, "today I am pregnant and I love my baby."  But it's hard when you don't know if the baby you are pregnant with happens to be dead or alive day to day.  And let me just remind you, walking around feeling like your baby's tomb is NOT a comforting feeling.

Alright, so what am I getting at?

I freaked myself out enough that I finally gave into my midwife's invitation to come in and take a quick peek to make sure everything was okay.  So, I packed up the kids, had lunch with Ben, bought the boys some new shoes, and saw my midwife.  She was so pleasant and kind, I interrupted her lunch, but she was perfectly friendly about it.  She said she wanted me to have a nice, calm, relaxing weekend with some reassurance.  My next appointment is in a week, but after two weeks of freaking out, I just didn't want to wait another week.

So what happened?

She has a low intensity ultrasound machine in her office, so she turned it on, gelled up my tummy, and went to work.  This baby... is INCREDIBLY ACTIVE!!  Oh my gosh, s/he was flipping, turning, kicking, swimming, and doing all kinds of acrobatics!  Call me crazy, but I was still afraid that s/he was just being pushed around by amniotic fluids and my tummy moving as I spoke.  She turned on the doppler and it took a little bit, but she found a happy and healthy heartbeat that was in the 170's!!  Oh, that was the most beautiful sound!  I can't even tell you how much I wanted to cry with joy and reassurance!  I felt silly going in only a week before my next appointment, and felt terrible for interrupting her lunch, but it was worth it to hear that heart beating away!  I am now officially further along in this pregnancy than I was with Taylor.  Well, my baby has lived longer than Taylor did.  She was born at 14w1d, so I guess Sunday I'll officially be further along.  Not really sure how to count all that.  But who cares when I know that RIGHT NOW, my baby is happy, healthy, and actively alive?!  Nausea is letting up a bit.  I'm sleeping well right now.  I'm not as exhausted every day as I have been.  Things are going well.

So CHEERS!  (with sparkling cider of course)  Here's to babies, and heartbeats, and joy!!
I know it's hard to tell, but that's a head at the bottom and legs at the top.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Summer - The first update

I was reading another blog the other day, and she said that she had been feeling like they hadn't been very active this summer, until she went through pictures and realized they'd done more than she thought.  I COMPLETELY UNDERSTOOD!!  Here I am going through our pictures and I realized, wow!  We actually HAVE done some stuff this summer!  So, let's start at Memorial Day.  That week, of course no school on Monday but then Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were the last days of school.  But c'mon, summer "actually" begins with Memorial Day, right?!

Mitchell loved the swings at the park in Heber (where we go each year).  Any time he was missing, he could typically be found on the swings.
This was Kiersten's first time in a swing.  Cute little thing.
Ben fed her Cool Whip.  She LOVED it!
May 28, 2012 - The Harvey Family
Had to show one with Mitchell's attitude.  He's so funny!

 Next, let's go on to Keith's KINDERGARTEN GRADUATION!!

Keith really was among the smallest in the class.  There was only one kid noticeably smaller.  

 Up next:  The Pony Express Days Parade, followed by swimming at the pool at Aunt Kathryn's condo.

We went swimming again another day, but no pictures from that one.  However, that was also the same day as I got my first ultrasound done!  One healthy little baby in there!  ALSO that day, between the prenatal and swimming, I was at the mall with all 3 kids without a stroller or sling, was carrying Kiersten and 4 bags plus holding hands with Mitchell and trying to keep track of Keith.  I was headed to the Food Court to rearrange everything when I slipped in some soda on the floor, one leg went sliding ahead while the other stayed in place.  The knee of the planted leg slammed into the ground and bruised quite a bit.  The other knee, I sprained my MCL and am supposed to be wearing a brace for a good 6 weeks.  I keep forgetting to put it on though, and the next day I always pay for it.  OUCH!  Anyway, here is my happy ultrasound picture:

While the mountain "in our backyard" burned for several days, we went camping!!  The wind happened to blow the fire back over the top of the mountain and onto the other side, so our home did not end up in danger.  Just in case, we packed up a few suitcases of things (extra clothes, social security cards, birth certificates, scriptures, disks of pictures, etc) and took pictures of our furniture and other pricey items for insurance purposes, packed them into Ben's car, and then parked it a safe distance away... just in case the wind switched directions and put our home in danger while we were gone.  All turned out well though, and about 4 days after it started and over 5,000 burned acres later, the 390 fire fighters contained the fire.  But, we were up at Trial Lake the whole time, 30 minutes away from cell phone reception.  It was such a great trip!  Here are some pics:

Keith's CARS sleeping bag and Mitchell's SPIDERMAN sleeping bag.  They LOVE sleeping in them!
Don't see ME on here much!  In fact, you rarely EVER see an actual picture of me. 
But did you notice my awesome FORKS sweatshirt that I got in FORKS, WA earlier this year?

Ben had the hardest time with making a fire instead of a lot of smoke.  The kids all loved their chairs (which just happen to match their sleeping bag colors).

Ben gave Mitchell a gooey marshmallow.  This is what happened to it.  Eventually, he brought his hands to me telling me to eat the marshmallow.  Silly boy.  So I took a bite and he said "thanks" each time.  It was SO FUNNY!

Day 2 lunch - also Kiersten's nap time.  I gave her a slice of bread, she tore it in two (one for each hand of course) and she was passed out within 3 minutes!
Mitchell, Kiersten, and Keith with his big stick that he carried around everywhere.
Isn't she just so stinkin' cute being so tiny in her little chair?!  The chair made her so happy!

See?!  HAPPY GIRL!  Ignore the hair.  It was all greased up from sunscreen and bug spray. 
Well, that's it for now!  Next up, I'm sure, will be the 4th of July, another prenatal, and the 24th of July (a Utah holiday).  We are hoping for another camping trip, too!  Not sure what else the summer will bring us, but I'm so happy to be out doing things with the kids!