Day 15: Wave of Light
October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness/Remembrance Day. Across the world, we light candles at 7pm in our own time zone so that, lit for one hour, it creates a wave of light worldwide. I am honored to have had the chance to participate and include the angel babies of my friends who are becoming like family to me.
As I was lighting the candles, Keith (my 6 year old) asked me what I was doing. "I'm lighting candles," I replied, trying to keep it brief and only answer what he wanted to know. But he continued. "What are these for?" Sigh. "Each of these candles is for a baby that died, like Taylor & Seth." ... "Mommy, I love all of these babies." He said it after the most solemn momentary silence. I knew he meant it. Then, he sat and watched as I continued to light candles. When I was done, I asked him if he wanted to say anything to the babies, or to Taylor and Seth. He told all the babies that he was sorry they died, and he told Seth and Taylor that he loved them and wanted to play with them.
So, as I post these pictures, know that it's not just me remembering your babies, but my tender-hearted Keith, as well. I know sometimes it seems as though you are the only one who thinks of your babies, but I assure you that I think of them often, too. I lit 23 candles last night. That's 23 babies together. Maybe I'm sentimental. Maybe I make things up. Maybe my imagination is wild. Maybe this is complete blasphemy, but I just don't know. I like to think that, as we on earth get to know each other and share our angel children with each other, they are brought together in heaven, too. Some of these children are those of friends I've only met online in support groups, but they've touched my heart. Some I met online and later in person, and it feels like their angels know my angels. I like the thought that our babies are not alone, but surrounded by the loved ones of those we connect with. That's why I chose to light candles for each of you. Because your babies are keeping my babies company, they are their friends. Thank you for sharing them with me.
I want to mention that I didn't get everyone included that I wanted to. I somehow missed a print up for Baby Carter - April 2009 - child of Tonya Carter. And I really wanted to include Autumn Anne Phillips - daughter of April Philips, but I don't know her birth date, only that it's sometime in March 2009. I have a neighbor that is one of the most amazing women I've ever met who has lost three. I don't think she named them, nor do I know their dates, but I'd like to include them. There are a few others, too. And if you'd like to be included in this candle lighting for next year, let me know. I'd love to keep our angels close together. And remember that they will be thought of in my home every time I light candles for my own children and every time I pass my dresser full of candles each day. They are remembered. They are loved. They are missed.