Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Tuesday News Day

So, I kinda got busy and forgot last week.  SORRY!

Keith has been home all last week and will be most of this week.  A kid at school got the chickenpox, and since Keith was never vaccinated for it, the school has asked that he stay home until the contagious period has passed.  So, I get extra Keith time, but that also means I'm busier and forget about things like blogging.

Also, I was a guest blogger yesterday!!  RobbyGurl's Creations featured my tutorial on a frame I have hanging in Kiersten's room for her flower clips.  Check it out!!

On Friday, someone called me.  I don't know if I'm allowed to say whom, because I don't know if they're sharing their news with everyone or just those they're closest to.  No facebook announcements yet, so I'll leave the name out.  Anyway, in case you haven't guessed, they're pregnant.  And I am amazingly happy for them!!  However, as I hung up the phone, I cried.  I really am so very happy for them.  I just also happen to be very sad for me.  We both have little girls right now, and they're 2 months apart.  If we were still BOTH pregnant, our babies would be 2 months apart again.  We'd both have babies 18 months younger than our little girls.  As I was told of their happy 11 week ultrasound, all I could think of is that I had an ultrasound just a few days before 10 weeks and it was such a happy ultrasound... but the next one wasn't so happy.  Oh, I pray they don't suffer the same fate.  I now better understand that hitting your second trimester does NOT ensure that you won't suffer a miscarriage, that all will be well after that.

I had thought that I was doing remarkably well, but this announcement still hurts me.  I cried a LOT over it.  No, not over the announcement and their joy... but rather at my own loss.  When I say "I cried," I don't mean I had a couple tears roll down my cheeks.  I mean wet, slobbery, snotty, please-don't-walk-in-on-me crying.  The kind that requires a lot of tissues and leaves a few big wet spots on your pillow or blanket.  I had no idea that all that emotion was still in me.  I really thought I was doing fine.

The point?  I am learning more and more that bad days appear out of nowhere, and that a loss is a loss, no matter how early or late it was.  Loss hurts.  And healing takes a lot more time than I thought.  I miss my Taylor.  I'm also learning that someone's loss hurts more than just their immediate family.  It effects friends and grandparents and so many others, too.  It's not just moms that hurt.  Oh dear Taylor, you are STILL so very loved, even though we never got to meet you.

In other news, anyone want to drive to Missouri with me in late April?  I am hoping to take my mom to the Kansas City Temple's open house and perhaps the dedication in early May.  Wanna ride with me?  3 kids and one adult on a 17 hour drive is NOT sounding happy.  I need help!!


Tricia Haskell said...

Oh Ginger, I wish I could tell you it gets better, It does and it doesn't, I still have knock down drag out sob fests over my lost son, and I also have days it is easier to be strong! As you know my Tanner has been gone 13 years this May, and well there is more but that is another talk another day!! I hate those comments of get over the past, How can you?? Honestly you learn to live around it, but it is always there, It really makes no difference if you had that child for years, days, or just prenatally, They are real and they are loved! Those that dont understand that, its because they are not strong enough to be the chosen mom of one of these choice spirits of HF. In my humble opinion they filled the purpose they needed of getting a body and they didn't need to go through the Crap of life because they are so strong the trials of life aren't needed for them. Yet you are the chosen Mother strong enough to let your child go back to Heaven to live, until you can be united once again. They can now be one of your ministering angels, always with you, and helping you!
Love you!!

Ashley said...

I like to think that mothers of miscarriages or that lost children after birth are choosen like Mary was. Because of your stength. Because you are stronge like the virgin Mary. Because God loved you and believes in You and knows you like the back of his hand. She knew one day her son would be put to death, and yet she was sreonge enough emotionally and spirituaLly to be selected by God to carry, birth, raise Jesus and to withstand the trials. You are stronge like the virgin Mary. I don't know if you believe in praying/talking to the souls in Heaven, but if you do, talk to her. I'm sure that it will help build your strength as you face the loss of little Taylor and your strength in God.