Friday, February 10, 2012
Do you know what the hardest thing in the world seems to be, in my book? Constant trials. Trial after trial, testing my faith. I'm given trials where I could choose to be angry, or I could choose to see that my Heavenly Father is there and helping me along, giving me the support and love that I need to get to where is best for me. I can't tell you in words how amazingly hard it can be sometimes to always have that trust in God that these trials are for my own good, to bring me to where I can better live up to the stature of my soul. I know I'll never reach that full stature in this life, but I know that He is trying to get me there. I feel like that old song says... He is the potter and I am the clay. My life spins around me, circling and spinning. Sometimes I feel like something goes awry and so I'm smashed back down to try again. Or maybe I'm getting to the part where I'm a formed vase and intricate designs are being carved into me. I long for the day when I am put into the kiln and glazed and finished as a beautiful sculpture, no longer having trials to endure. For now, I just have to trust that I have been prepared for what is to come. I have to trust that others have been prepared to help me through this stage of my life. I have to know that I have been brought to the place where those who can best help me are nearby. Everything has been carefully put into place so that *I* can become what I must through the endurance and faith through the trials that are to come. Trials are called trials for a very good reason... 1) they are not easy, not at all. 2) you have choices to make. Constant prayer will guide you through it. Listening to the Spirit, allowing yourself to receive answers through those placed in your life, or through internal promptings, just accepting answers where they come (and then praying to know if that is actually your answer or not, and then listening again)... it's the only way through. As was said in last night's Relief Society Activity/Enrichment Night - The more you align yourself and your life with what God wants of you, the less the thoughts, words, and negativity of others will matter to you. If I can just stay focused on what God wants of me, helping others, serving in every capacity that I can, then I will endure to the end. I will survive my trials. I will be rewarded with great love and peace. If I follow where my God leads me, I will find the blessings He wants me to receive. I must stay the course. I must stay focused. Oh, please help me to stay focused. Please help me to be strong. Please help me to endure without fault and without shame. Please, allow me to help others in any way I can so that I don't have time to focus on my own life's trials. I don't want to wallow in self-pity. I want to serve. Please, let me serve. Distract me from what hurts. I can do it. I can. I will.