Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Capture Your Grief: Days 9-15 in 2013

9. Music: This might be hard to capture in a photograph so why not post a youtube clip of a piece of music that reminds your of your baby/ies/child/ren. Why this piece of music?

Music just hasn't played a role in my grief.  Odd since music used to sing my life, but it hasn't with this.

10. Beliefs: Do you have a certain belief about what happens to us after we die? You might believe that we go to a heaven or you might believe that our bodies eventually turn to dust and that is the end of our story. Please feel free to share your beliefs whether they are religious, spiritual or not.

I think this is summed up well in the image I've shared several times of Taylor and the quote on the graphic...:
I believe whole heartedly that I will get to raise my children in the Millennium, doing what brings me both the most frustration as well as the most joy - being a mother.  This is an incredible opportunity to me and I look forward to it more than perhaps anything else. 

11. Emotional Triggers: What triggers emotions associated with grief for you? Is it the weather? A scent? Photos? Places? Holidays? Words? Certain people?

Birthdays, due dates, Christmas...
Taylor was due on her aunt's birthday but was born on her grandmother's birthday.
Seth was due just days after Christmas but was born on his uncle's birthday.
When we go to take family pictures and they aren't there, when we have to substitute our Molly Bears in place of our angel children, I remember them and it's a big trigger for me.
With another annual family picture coming up soon, I'm planning to crochet outfits for our bears again so our angels can be properly represented in our family picture.  This is a trigger for me.

12. Article: Have you read an article about grief that you would love to share with everyone? Please feel welcome to share who wrote the article and how the article resonated with you and also the direct link to the article if it is online.

If I think of anything in particular, I'll come back and edit this.  For now, all that is on my mind is that same quote by Joseph Smith that I posted above on day 10.  

13. Book: Have you read a book about grief that helped you immensely in your journey of grief? Please feel welcome to share the book and links to where it can be purchased so others can find it.

I read two books about grief.  However, I should probably re-read them as it was while I was still fairly deep in my own grief and I really don't remember much.  Again, I may update this later.

14. Family: What does you family look like now? Is it just yourself carrying your child’s heart in yours? Do you have other children? A partner? A pet? You may not have what society perceives as a family but we all know that just because you cannot see any children, that does not mean that they are not a part of your family.

This is my family now - my 3 living children, clinging to their angel siblings represented by bears, huddled around a gravestone to celebrate a birthday that didn't come with chubby cheeks and discussion about walking and talking and all the milestones met over the past year.  We'll be adding another baby to our family, hopefully next month, and hopefully without the need to get another bear.  My husband and I love all 6 of our children and are so very excited to see the beautiful, happy face of our newest addition soon.  I haven't had to consider talking to this new baby about her angel siblings because they're always remembered in our home.

15. Wave Of Light: Today is October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle at 7pm to help create a continuous wave of light around the world for 24 hours. Photograph your light! Please remember to share your location for this day as well. Wishing you all a ton of love for this sacred day of remembrance.

Today, I want to remember the angels that I've come to hold close to my heart, as well as my own.  And so I speak their names (in no particular order):

Grant Abernathy
Miracle Abernathy
Lily Robbins
Cordelia Casper
Luke Wood
Ayla Schneider
Autumn Phillips
Melena Harvey
Addison Johnson
Bryce Carter
Isaac Palmer
Porter Palmer
Jerom Shaver
Jocelyn Files
Liam Allred
Malachi Allred
Allison Mattes
Breckin Law
Brighton Law
Avery Friend
Caden Tozier
Clark Deneca
Little Fella Allen
Hope Lewis
Jude Hastings
Willow Hastings
Oliva Kunz
Skylar Fitzgerald
Harlee Fitzgerald
Matthew Fitzgerald
Vincent Valenzuela

And also Taylor Harvey & Seth Harvey.  So many angels.  So many grieving hearts yearning to hold their babies.  Many hugs and much love to the families of each of these babies who never came home from the hospital, who were born too soon, who were gone before they were even born.  So much love to each of you. There are so many more to add to this list, unnamed babies, babies not talked about, (and a few that I missed just because the list is so long) and this is just within my circle of extended friends.  Forgive me if I missed your angel.  PLEASE, write out your angel's name in the comments here.  I want to remember your angels.  All of them. 

Love to you all....

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