Saturday, October 5, 2013

Capture Your Grief: Day 5 of 2013

Day 5. Memory: What memory do you have of your child that stands out for you the most. It may be a positive or negative memory. When you think of your child what is the first memory that comes to your mind?

Two big memories of Taylor - first, sitting in a parking lot getting a text from my very dear friend, Ashley, who gave me the quote on this red image above.  This quote helped me SO much through both of my losses.  She said she felt like it was what she was supposed to say, though she had no idea what to say herself.  She was inspired to share this with me, because my Heavenly Father loves me and knew it was exactly what I needed.

Next was her birth and how absolutely horrified I was when I realized that my baby's body was flushed down a toilet.  I'm still ready to cry my eyes out just thinking of it - both because of how it makes me feel now as well as because of remembering my feelings then.  The pain of not seeing her is nearly more than I can handle.  I try hard to push those feelings aside and focus on that quote above. 

With Seth, obviously a huge memory was finding out he was a boy instead of a girl like the ultrasound tech said!  I studied him for a long time.  His muscular legs.  His open eyes.  His adorable nose.  His shoulders.  His knees.  His bone structure.  His facial expression.  Isn't he just beautiful?  He died at 16 weeks gestation.  That's still a legal age for abortion.  Can you even imagine that some people kill a baby that is this perfectly formed?  Look at him.  No, really look at him.  That little body may only be 6" long, but how incredible! 

Of course it makes sense that this would be such a tremendous memory for me, considering what I just told you about Taylor.  I didn't get to see her body, so his meant the world to me. 

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