YOU have helped make these donations possible

FEBRUARY -  31 SETS

8 crocheted sets (5 girl, 3 boy)
23 sewn sets (8 girl, 14 boy, 8 neutral)

31total sewn gowns
41 total sewn diapers pairs
8 total crocheted Teeny Tears diaper sets
1 boy bracelet set
6 blankets
4 pillows

 MARCH - 14 SETS

Medium (17-19 weeks gestation)
Large (20-22 weeks gestation) 
6 boy (5 lg, 1 med)
6 girl (2 lg, 4 med)
2 neutral (both med)
 

MAY - 26 SETS

Stacey

11 sets (8 crocheted (3 boy, 4 girl, 1 neutral), 3 sewn (1 boy, 1 girl, 1 neutral))

6 extra sewn gowns

3 blankets

Christine
15 sets (11 crocheted (6 girl, 2 boy, 3 neutral), 4 sewn (all girl))

10 extra sewn gowns, 1 extra set diapers

JUNE - 15 SETS

15 gowns (4 boy, 10 girl, 1 neutral) (1 - 26 week, 6 - 20 week, 8 - 18 week)

7 crocheted diaper sets, 3 pre-sewn diaper sets

1 baby girl 20 week blanket

FOR FRIENDS ALONG THE WAY

2 SETS

So far, over the last 6 months, I have crocheted 47 sets.

With help from friends and family, we've done 30 sets, plus various random gowns and diapers.

We have made 77 gown/diaper sets in the last 6 months!!

I don't know about you, but I think this is absolutely AMAZING!  I've had several people help by either tracing patterns, cutting, sewing, ironing, doing finish work, or helping with my kids so I could work.  THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP!!!

20ish weeks

We went in for the 20 week anatomy scan/gender reveal ultrasound today.  It's the same place that I went to when I found out Taylor had died, and the same appointment at the same place as when I had the kids all surrounding me as I found out that Seth had died.  As I went into the room, I tried to get in before the rest of the family and quickly told the ultrasound tech that, after my past two experiences there, please let me know if I need to excuse the kids. 

With Seth, they started by looking at the cervix and placenta, then didn't get to the baby until about 5 minutes in.  Knowing my background, she started with finding the heart beating away!  Not like she had to do much searching for proof of life - the little bugger was kicking and twisting all over the place! 

After some bouncing around and lots of oooh's and aaaaah's, she asked if we wanted to know a gender.  With the cord between the legs, it took a while and we had to go back a couple times for confirmation, but we found out! 

It was really wonderful to have such a great experience today!  We followed up the happy appointment by going to the mall to buy a new maternity shirt (they have very slim pickings right now at a descent price) and then out to lunch.  RED LOBSTER!  (When Seth died, I met up with someone from a support group at the Temple.  Her parents came, too.  Her mom ended up going to Seth's funeral and read a poem - which I'm really glad she did because she was the only one with anything prepared.  Anyway, so this incredibly wonderful woman sent us gift cards for Red Lobster to celebrate 20 weeks, since it's been a while since we've made it this far.  Isn't that just incredible?!)  Next, we went to Scheel's where the boys all rode the Ferris Wheel and then we got some yummy fudge! 

Just SUCH a great day!

Oh, YOU wanted to know the gender, too?

"VASH" Kaylee Harvey

Anyone have names to suggest to replace Vash?

16+ weeks!

Friday:  I have officially passed where I was in pregnancy when Taylor and when Seth each died.  I had been mostly calm and comforted this week.  Then last night I started freaking out!  It was on days of prenatals that I found out each had passed.  Today, I went in for a prenatal.  Knowing my other 3 were going with me, I checked yesterday morning, again last night, and again this morning to make sure it was "safe" to take the kids with me.  I don't need any surprises as I'm surrounded by my children again.  In about 3 weeks we'll have the big "gender reveal" ultrasound, and I'm likely to get a little freaked out again, especially going yet again to the same place where I was with both my angels.  But, things are looking up!

Oh, and with my midwife's VERY low-tech, low-quality-image ultrasound machine (it's no stronger than a doppler, very poor quality pictures - hence why I am sent out elsewhere for the anatomy scan, to get high quality images to make sure everything has developed in its proper location, etc) - she made a gender guess!!  MY guess is girl because my face looks HORRIBLE!  I mean, I've got some seriously horrid skin going on!  Keith is guessing girl because he thinks we need equal numbers of boys and girls.  Mitchell says "boy.  No, girl.  Yeah, a girl.  No, a boy.  I don't know, either a boy or a girl."  Hahahahha!  Yeah, I know it's one or the other honey!  Sweet little boy!  Ben doesn't really make guesses for gender.  My midwife is guessing girl!  HOWEVER.... even with the super awesome high-quality imaging ultrasound last time around, they had told me DEFINITELY girl (so we picked out the name Isabelle and got tiny girl clothing for her) but birth proved the tech to be wrong as I had a Seth who was very, VERY much a boy!  This baby is only 4 days older than when they mis-labeled Seth as a girl.  So, it's not conclusive yet, but it's the strongest guess.

Any girl name ideas?  Middle name Kaylee, so no "ee" sounding names because as beautiful as the name is, Brittany Kaylee Harvey just is TOO "ee" for me!  Post some ideas!!!

We couldn't get a very good picture of little "Vash" Kaylee.  She kept moving around.  But my midwife wanted to send me home with SOMETHING to show her Daddy.  So here it is:

She's facing down, spine across the top, head at left.  Still a skinny little thing, but that's likely to change pretty quickly now that I'm nearly 17 weeks along!  (oh, and I know I'm in that awful stage where random onlookers think "oh, she's pleasantly plump" but when I look in the mirror I think "woah!, I'm getting HUGELY pregnant!" because I know what I usually look like)  <<<  point being, to ME, I'm happily SHOWING!! 

Saturday:  We went out today and FINALLY found me some maternity pants!  It took forever!  But the 4th store we went to finally had some.  I really needed them.  I started this pregnancy slightly heavier than I did with Keith (though, labeled sizes have changed since then) and quite a bit lighter than I did with Mitchell or Kiersten.  So my maternity clothes are all not-quite-right.  Glad I have pants to wear now!

A few outfits...

 

 

 

Sewn Gown Patters are found HERE and Sewn Diaper Patterns are found HERE

I put the extra small gown with small diapers and a 10-15" square blanket (12" most popular),

and the small gown with the large diaper and a 16-22" square blanket (18" most popular).

No-Sew Hats Pattern can be found HERE.

Crochet Patterns, including those for gowns, diapers, buntings, bonnets, hats, and blankets, can ALL be found HERE. Feel free to mix and match the crochet patterns with the sewn patterns!  If you're a knitter (unlike me) let me know and I can post some knit patterns, too!

This set is being given to Brittany in memory of her recently lost 16 week son, Brighton.
Love and hugs, aching mama...

The sewn items need a thank you to Lynnette, Brittany, Anna, and Rachel.  THANK YOU for cutting and sewing!  The hats were a donation from a neighbor, THANK YOU Kelly!  And I did the crocheted gowns/dresses, diapers, and blankets.  I still have more to take pictures of, but I thought I should show you a little more of what I've been up to.  (not pictured but important to note - Tricia donated several spools of serger thread, very necessary stuff when you're trying to sew!)  All but one of these are headed to Sew Much To Share for their Mother's Day Supply Drive - yes, I realize it's late, but Kiersten got pink eye so I didn't go up that week, then I thought preschool ended at graduation but I mis-read the paper so I didn't make it up this week, so I'm going to try to get them up there next week.  I'll just keep on making more stuff until I get there!  If you have anything you'd like to donate (yarn, flannel fabric, thread, outfits, etc), PLEASE contact me ASAP so I can deliver it!  Also, I take yarn donations, too!  Caron Simply Soft and Bernat Baby are my favorites for making these angel items!

Again, THANK YOU to all of you who have helped!  Lynnette, Brittany, Anna, Rachel, and Tricia, I am certain you will be blessed for your generous help!  And (other) Brittany, I am so very sorry for your loss.  Breckin and Brighton - angels to remember.

And as always, much love to my angels, Taylor & Seth.

Angel Blanket Crochet Pattern

Ch 52
(to increase size, the formula is a multiple of 12 +3, then add a ch 1 to turn)
Approx. 20+ week gestation size

White - sc across, ch 1, turn

Color A (pink):
row 1 - *sc 3, hdc 2, dc 5, hdc 2* across (ending with sc 3), ch 1, turn
row 2 - sc across, ch 1, turn
row 3 - repeat row 1, (should have sc on top of sc, hdc on top of hdc, and dc on top of dc), ch 1, turn

White - sc across, ch 3, turn

Color B (blue):
row 1 - *dc 3, hdc 2, sc 5, hdc 2* across (ending with dc 3) ch 1, turn
row 2 - sc across, ch 3, turn
row 3 - repeat row 1, ch 1 turn

I started with a chain of white, then sc all the way across.
Then I took color B and did only rows 1 and 2, followed by the white sc row.
At the end, after a white sc row, I did color A's row 1 and 2 only.
Skipping the color A row 3, I did the white sc row and then did the border.

Does all this make sense?

By the way, this pattern was adapted from an awesome hat pattern! 

12 weeks

I'm going to write this post in two sections.

Today is Monday, 4/29 and I am officially 12 weeks pregnant. 
This next month is going to be terrifying for me.  Again, I try to remember what my bishop says so very often - that the opposite of fear is faith, and to have faith always.  It's not that I don't have faith, it's just that I'm nervous.  I don't know what's going to happen and that leaves me uncertain.  Right now, I'm trying to envision a baby blessing in Dec/Jan and then a baptism (for my oldest) in March.  I'm wishing there was a way to combine them so that I wouldn't wonder if family would be able to afford coming to both.  But, before I get too into trying to move things around or really hoping to see family twice, I need to get to a point where I am certain we'll be planning both events.

This month in particular is going to be scary for me as Taylor died at 13 weeks and Seth died at 16 weeks.  This month will encompass both.  Remember that I am doing my very best to hold my emotions together and not let them run me or my life into chaos.  If I get a little testy, lazy, anxious, overly excitable, really busy with random distractions that aren't where you would think my priorities should be, or anything else - just remember that I'm doing my very best to focus on faith instead of fear.  I am holding it together as best as I can as I wonder if my child will live through this month or not, as my last two did not.  Cut me a little slack this month, and probably next month, too.  The whole second trimester is going to be filled with breathing exercises, constant prayer for comfort and strength, and emotions that are unpredictable.  I will get through it.  I just really hope that I get through it with a live baby still growing inside!

Today is now Thursday, 5/2 and I just got back from my second prenatal appointment.
My little Picard/Vash was happily bouncing/dancing around like crazy!  I used my doppler before I got out of bed this morning to make sure there was a heartbeat, especially since I had my two littles going with me.  Kiersten kept pointing "BABY!  HI, BABY!!" and Mitchell watched for a couple minutes, just long enough to see what appeared to be P/V waving HELLO to us!  Even my midwife was excited to see him/her bouncing all around like that!  Heart rate is in the 160's, just as it has been using my home doppler.  (I should mention real quickly...  my midwife's ultrasound machine is extremely weak.  You can't see much detail.  It's mostly just to confirm and date pregnancy, and make sure there's only one baby as licensed midwives in Utah cannot deliver twins at home, though unlicensed midwives can.  So these ultrasound pictures, just know that it's not a regular ultrasound, it's about as powerful as a doppler is all.  So the less than 5 minutes on my belly doesn't concern me the way frequent lengthy ultrasounds would using the cool "I can see everything" kind of high tech machines do.)  Anyway, so here are pictures of my little Picard/Vash!

GROW, BABY, GROW!

10 weeks and Supply Drive

First, I want to share with you a donation opportunity:

If anyone is interested in participating, I will be going up to make a donation sometime the week of May 6-11.  Right now, I've got 17 gown/diaper sets being sewn (thanks to some helpers because my machine in JACKED!) and 8 crocheted sets already made.  I am really hoping to get plenty more made before this Supply Drive because they are in such dire need of help!  While the local angel closet in Salt Lake County seems pretty well stocked for now, Weber/Davis County is still in need.  After spending the last several months making outfits out of my own pocket, I can tell you that the costs add up quickly.  Even sale flannel gets expensive when you're buying several yards at a time.  Plus $3-$6 for every skein of yarn.  Plus buttons.  Plus ribbon.  It just adds up.  And we REALLY want to be able to keep up this work as there is a HUGE need! 

Imagine for a minute going to the hospital to deliver your baby, then going home empty handed.  Imagine trying to get a few pictures of your child, like proof that s/he really did exist since no one will ever see him/her, but your baby is too small for even a preemie onesie or diaper. We make gowns because even babies that aren't alive, a mother still wants to dress warmly.  We make two diapers per gown, one for baby to wear and the other for mom to take home in memory of her angel.  Several NILMDTS photographers have said that they have observed a mother of an angel dressing her baby bring a small sense of peace to their situation.  I'm sure I've said it before, but when I picked out the clothing for the baby that we anticipated naming Isabelle, it gave me peace to know that my child would be warm and dressed.  It calmed my busy mind, if only a little.  Then, when Isabelle turned out to be Seth, I was sad that he only had a hat to fit him.  I ended up asking a nurse to bring in a regular newborn hat to wrap him in to "keep him warm" and give me the sense of him being dressed because my little naked baby with only a blanket around him seemed wrong.  It wasn't until after the pictures were done and I let the nurses take him away for good that a nurse brought me diapers for him.  I wish he could have worn one.

So, you see, this clothing is IMPORTANT.  And although it may seem that I'm the only person who ever talks about their loss, it happens ALL THE TIME!  One weekend, my photographer said there were 15 angels born, followed the next week by 1-3 more angels every other day.  20+ angels in ONE week just in HER area.  Please, consider making a donation.

If you're near me, please bring over any appropriate flannel, soft yarn, white thread, ribbon, ziploc bags, or gift cards to any of the 4 stores listed, or let me know if you'd like to trace patterns, cut fabric, sew gowns or diapers (both are fairly easy patterns)...  Or maybe if you've got time to crochet or knit some outfits, I've got patterns for that, too!  Please, PLEASE, help me fill this angel closet!  The need is there.  And what a way to extend some love, peace, and comfort to a mother who just lost her child - something we all hope never happens to us.

Oh!  I almost forgot! 
I'm 10 weeks along now, and thanks to a very dear friend who loaned me her home doppler, I have been able to find a heartbeat every time I've been worried!  I first heard it around 9 1/2 weeks, and today at 10 1/2 weeks I heard it again!!  The doppler claims it's around a 160-170 heartrate and I just love hearing it!  Hopefully I'll be able to hear it every week!!  (Photos are of MY TANGIBLE PEACE's gestational ooak dolls, made developmentally accurate)

 In both pictures, my baby's development is the one in the middle.  My little Picard/Vash is around the size of

To give some size prospective, these BabyCenter pictures should help:

That's a 10 week size of a kumquat (yeah, what is that?), 11 week size of a fig, and 12 week size of a lime.  12 weeks, that's my next goal.  Not that anything I do helps me achieve this goal, but setting small goals is better than freaking out that I have 30 weeks to go.  Instead, I have 2 weeks to go to make it to my next goal.  I can do it!

GROW, BABY, GROW!